I attempted suicide in my dorm room of ASU in January 2010 for the 1st time. It was the lowest I had ever been.
I was addicted and broken.
Abusive and manipulative.
I was NOT a Christian, and honestly proud of it.
I only knew the Jesus that other Christians had told me about.
The ones that made me believe he couldn’t love a sinner like me. I didn’t want any part of a relationship where I had to change who I was to be loved.
Life was already hard enough.
THAT day— the D-day— I had taken a bunch of pills because the walls told me to.
When I told them I didn’t want to, they started closing in on me.
They began to shake and rattle.
I felt as though I was going to be crushed by this building and I took the pills to make it stop, but it didn’t stop.
It lied to me.
I called out to Jesus.
I didn’t know him. I didn’t even know if he would come.
But I called out to him, begging him to save me.
I never saw him.
I blacked out to my college roommate and a group of first responders running into my room. I’m not sure how they got there.
Maybe I called someone?
Three years ago, I was praying and I asked Jesus why he didn’t come for me.
Suddenly, I was back in the room and I was watching the walls closing in.
I could hear my heavy breathing.
The crying. The begging.
And I looked in the middle of the room.
And there! There He was!
I never knew Him. But there, in the middle of the room, He was - unconditionally loving me- running headfirst into battle on my behalf.
There He was—
I am not “special”. Jesus loves you and He wants the best for you.
So much so that he gave up everything for you to have that chance.
I finally gave my heart to Jesus on the floor of a church on October 26, 2014.
And ever since then, he’s been peeling away the layers of pain, uncovering the brokenness, teaching me to tend to my spiritual garden.
And I am thriving.
There is SO MUCH MORE to Jesus than they’ve been telling you. Don’t take my word for it.
Find out for yourself.
What’s left to lose?