Posted on: October 30, 2019 Posted by: Jessica Rensing Comments: 0

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if it’s you— take a moment. Please.


I attempted suicide in my dorm room of ASU in January 2010 for the 1st time. It was the lowest I had ever been.

I was addicted and broken.

Abusive and manipulative.


I was NOT a Christian, and honestly proud of it.

I only knew the Jesus that other Christians had told me about.

The ones that made me believe he couldn’t love a sinner like me. I didn’t want any part of a relationship where I had to change who I was to be loved.

Life was already hard enough.

THAT day— the D-day— I had taken a bunch of pills because the walls told me to.

When I told them I didn’t want to, they started closing in on me.

They began to shake and rattle.

I felt as though I was going to be crushed by this building and I took the pills to make it stop, but it didn’t stop.

It lied to me.

I called out to Jesus.

I didn’t know him. I didn’t even know if he would come.

But I called out to him, begging him to save me.

I never saw him.

I blacked out to my college roommate and a group of first responders running into my room. I’m not sure how they got there.

Maybe I called someone?


Three years ago, I was praying and I asked Jesus why he didn’t come for me.

Suddenly, I was back in the room and I was watching the walls closing in.

I could hear my heavy breathing.

The crying. The begging.

And I looked in the middle of the room.

And there! There He was!

I never knew Him. But there, in the middle of the room, He was – unconditionally loving me- running headfirst into battle on my behalf.

There He was—






I am not “special”. Jesus loves you and He wants the best for you.

So much so that he gave up everything for you to have that chance.

I finally gave my heart to Jesus on the floor of a church on October 26, 2014.

And ever since then, he’s been peeling away the layers of pain, uncovering the brokenness, teaching me to tend to my spiritual garden.

And I am thriving.

There is SO MUCH MORE to Jesus than they’ve been telling you. Don’t take my word for it.

Find out for yourself.

What’s left to lose?

Leave a Reply